Zane had his regular 3 month (although, its been 4 months) follow up for his Diabetes today at Children's. I have a real love-hate relationship with these appointments. I love seeing his doctor and getting to ask her the many questions I have, I love seeing how much Zane has grown since his last appointment and love watching him interact with his doctor. I hate the A1c - I take this number very personally as I've said many times; I hate that I take it personally - to me I look at it as a reflection on how well I am doing as his substitute pancreas. I know full well that you can do everything by the book and right and things still don't turn out as you had hoped for - but that doesn't make it any easier for me. Zane had the highest A1c that he's had since diagnosis - it was 8.4 and I almost cried...actually I would have, had Zane not been in the room. I slightly freaked out when the doctor told me the number and she immediately said "I knew you would freak out - calm down, remember you are modeling behavior right now"...I immediately reassured Zane that this number was MOMMY's number and not his and that he was doing everything perfectly - he smiled because he has no clue what an A1c is nor does he even care what it is (and that's good)! She said that this is totally normal for a child who has just started school, starting new activities and routines. I truly believe that, but it doesn't lesson the blow any.
Zane is doing wonderful though! He weighs 50 lbs and is 3'11 tall and has grown an inch since his appointment in June (weighs exactly the same)! He is healthy, thriving, happy and wonderful - so all in all he's perfect :)
The doctor made a few changes in his pump, so hopefully those will help our next A1c and we can move past today's! Next appointment won't be until January!
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I'm most excited about their being a Starbucks inside!
Not so excited about the double chin! |
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| Getting his "arm hug" and pushing the button to start it! |
I love you buddy - please know that mommy is trying so hard to carry as much of this burden for you as possible.
4 comments:
Awwwww, hugs! Repeat after me... it's JUST a number, it's JUST a number, it's JUST a number. Don't forget that you can do everything right and sometimes diabetes just doesn't play nice!
Case in point: Elise pretty much eats the same lunch every day at school. I pack her lunch, so I know the exact carb count. Some days she's in the 300s two hours after, some days she's in the 100s. I just shrug my shoulders and say, "what can I do?" I know her ratios are good. I know the carbs are right... it's just that the wind was blowing out of the east today and it screwed EVERYTHING UP!
All that to say, it's obvious you are doing the best job you can as his Mom, and that's all that should matter!
And remember... it's JUST a number!
When I read this post all I hear is how much you love that boy and how you'd do anything for him and that's all that counts! xoxo
I know it must be super hard for you to hear something about Zane's condition, that you do not want to hear. I bet it was really hard to fight back the tears but you did a good job! Keep up the good work girl, such hard work and you are doing great!
Bravo to you for sharing all this. I think endo appointments are so anxiety causing for me, luckily not Isaac. At one point I told both the nurse and the doctor that I didn't want to know the A1C unless there was something I could do about it - so since then nobody talks to me about it, this is actually a great relief for me. Before that I just felt so bad if it went up or dropped a lot, too. I knew that it wasn't a report card, but man my gut wasn't listening to me as I said that. I hope you guys get things ironed out and he continues to grow and thrive, as that is what matters the most. We've had to make a lot of basal changes since starting kinder...and I can't imagine an A1C being anything but higher than normal, but hopefully nobody will share what it is or I would definitely cry after all the sleepless nights I've been having lately. Anyhoo...I just wanted to say bravo to you!
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