Sisters & Memorial

Both of my sisters flew up from California the Tuesday after dad died.  They came up to help me start to sort through all of his stuff and grab what they wanted, accompany me to see an estate attorney since none of his affairs were in order and head to the funeral home and plan a small memorial.  We had a lot to do in just a couple days...but we got a good head-start!

Tuesday night we all went out to dinner -

On Wednesday, we headed up to my dad's house so my sisters could go through his stuff and grab whatever they wanted before I started to liquidate it later.  He has some pretty cool things and a whole lotta junk too!  One thing that my dad had a lot of and most were pretty freakin' awesome...were hats! We all claimed our hats!  Here are just a few of our claimed treasures.

We also headed to the funeral home on Wednesday to get my dad's cremation all set up.  I had spoke with the lady the day before, so had a good idea of what all was going to happen once we got there...but it was still weird and very hard.  Ironically my dad had been brought to the funeral home that morning for his autopsy to be done, she asked if we wanted to see him...we all said no.  I want to remember my dad the way I saw him last...not cold with no life left in him.  It was very eery to know he was "in the building" when we were there, I wasn't expecting that.

I picked my dad up last week...another weird feeling.  My sisters will be up again in September around our dad's birthday - we plan to spread his ashes at that time.

On Thursday we met with an estate attorney.  Since my dad did not have a power of attorney set up, the court has to appoint one.  I am next of kin and am the only local child, so it makes since that it would be me.  Thankfully my sisters trust me and we have no issues with each other or dad's things...so they were able to easily sign their right away to me and this coming week the attorney will send the documents to court so I can be appointed.  Once I'm appointed, I can start to take care of his things (selling his cars, motorcycle, house etc), pay his bills and figure out his retirement, life insurance etc.  This is one hell of a job all.  If you're parents do not have a power of attorney and/or a will in place...MAKE.THEM.DO.IT.NOW!  Yes, it's a hard thing to talk about - but your life will be so much easier if you get it all out of the way now!  I am not going to lie - this has been a nightmare. It is getting better, but still could've been avoided if he had that all in place before hand.

Thursday, we also quickly threw together a small memorial for dad.  We just held it potluck style at a park in Renton and hoped that a few of his friends would come - many did, we were happy!  My dad had a TON of friends all over the state, many of them are doing their own tributes to him at different events that my dad did with them...we wanted as his family to at least have something small so we could meet some of his friends as well.  All but one of my cousins were able to come as well, so it really was a great turn out!  Very low key, but exactly what we wanted.

 

 

 

 

My Dad {9.24.56-7.11.15}

On Saturday, July 11, 2015, I received one phone call that no one would ever want to receive.  I was outside talking to my neighbor when my phone rang, it was a (360) number that I didn't recognize, so I sent it to voicemail and continued chatting away.  As I was walking back into the house, I listened to the voicemail..."Lisa, this is Heather from the Skagit County Coroners Office, can you give me a call when you get this message please..." F*CK.  That's exactly what I said when I heard the message. I was no dummy...I knew there was only one reason on earth a coroners office would be calling you and I also only knew ONE person in Skagit County that I would receive that call for...my daddy.

I called Heather back right away and she was seriously one of the nicest, most helpful people I've ever had to talk to.  Maybe she has to be in her line of work, but I really feel she went out of her way to assist me that night.  I am 1.5-2 hours away, I have never had to deal with this before, I had no idea where to start or what to do, I had no idea what had happened.  I did know that my dad had none of his affairs in order and I did  know that was not a good thing.  Once I got off the phone with her, I called each of my sisters (both are 1/2 sisters and we share the same dad - obviously).  Both sisters are younger than me and both live out of state (in CA).  I called the oldest one...the next day was her birthday; definitely not the gift I wanted to call and give her.  I called the youngest one and delivered the bad news again.  I then called one of my dad's longest friends that I have known for years and he said when he saw my name come up on his phone, he knew.  Ugh.  He knew there would be no other reason I'd be calling him...and he was right.

My sisters were very emotional...I on the other hand went into straight business mode.  I was probably the closest to my dad out of the 3 of us and that was mainly because I have lived the closest in proximity to him for the longest and have spent the most time with him.  You'd think I would've been crazy emotional...I wasn't.  I just went into business mode...what needs to be done and what needs to be done first and how do I get it done.  Ugh, again. I can report that I have had a couple cryfests by now - I'm not a jerk.  I loved my dad so much and I think the easiest way for me to deal with it right now is to just "work" on his stuff.  I know more emotional outbursts will come, but for now...I have a lot of work to do.

The coroner ordered an autopsy on my dad since we had no idea what he died from.  He had a few medical issues here and there, but nothing that we would've considered life threatening right now.  He was overweight, he didn't lead the healthiest of lifestyles, but he was not to where we worried about this happening.  The preliminary autopsy report is suggesting my dad died of an "enlarged heart" due to lifestyle, not due to a heart condition.  He died of a heart attack.  Thankfully for my sisters and I, this was due to lifestyle and not something congenital - he didn't have a heart condition that either of us need to worry about - assuming we stay at a decent weight and don't eat exceptionally unhealthy. I'm trying to work on all that now - I will NOT leave my kids when I am only 58 years old.  My dad was too young to die.  I am too young to not have a dad around anymore.  My kids are too young to not have one of their grandpa's around anymore.  I know a few of my friends have lost their dad's in the past year too - I know I am not alone in this, but it doesn't make it suck any less.

My dad wanted a son of his own SO bad and he was blessed with three daughters instead!  When I was pregnant and we found out I was having a boy; my dad was ecstatic!  He was so excited, probably more so than we were (and we were thrilled to be having a boy)!  He couldn't wait to buy all the boy-toys and spoil Zane and eventually Landon...and that he did.  He loved those boys more than anything and he was always so proud of them!  Anything I would put on Facebook about them, he would immediately share on his own page for all of his friends to see.  I sure hope my boys know how much they were loved by this man.

I hope more than anything that my dad knows how much I loved him.  But I really don't think he did. I didn't know how much you realized how much you loved someone until they were gone...and because of that, I am sure that I never told him just how much, because I don't think I even knew.  I love you daddy and miss you more than you will ever know.  I will make sure that my boys know who their Grandpa Hay was and just how much you loved them.