{Happy} Third Diabetes Birthday Zane

Three years ago this evening, Zane was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes - this night forever changed our lives...we are better because of it.  That does not mean I'm happy about his diagnosis at all - but it has proven to us how far we can go as a family and just how strong we are.

I thought I'd share an email that I wrote his grandparents this week - it just confirms what an amazing person Zane is turning into:

I thought you might all appreciate this...so, Zane's 3 year "Diabetes Anniversary" is this Friday and we always try to do something to celebrate it (celebrating his health with T1 - not necessarily celebrating that he has T1) - we try to get together with Keegan usually (girl who was dx'd same day as him) - but she had to cancel last minute this year.  Kind of bummed me out - needed a plan B.  Anyway, yesterday I decided that I was going to give him the afternoon/night off of Diabetes (Friday).  I may need a bottle of wine and some anti-anxiety meds - but I was going to be the cool mom and do it.  I was going to solely rely on his continuous glucose monitor "Dex" and just bolus for carbs as is - no blood sugar checks.  If Dex alarmed low - I'd just give a juice box and watch Dex.  If it alarmed high - I would base my decision on correcting or not on how accurate Dex had been that day (earlier while at school) and go from there.  I would only check if he started to have some very scary/warranted behaviors (which is unlikely).  I would onlyl check at midnight before I went to bed and go from there - but from 1 p.m. (when school got out) until midnight - he'd be essentially diabetes free (aside from insulin via his pump) - but no pokes.  Great plan right?? Coolest mom ever right??  Nope.  

So last night I sit Zane on the counter and point to Friday on the calendar and explain to him what that day is and let him know that we wouldn't be having dinner with Keegan anymore and that I had another idea.  Told him he could pick whatever activity we did that night to celebrate, but that I was going to give him the afternoon/night off from all blood sugar checks.  Explained that I'd just give him insulin for carbs consumed and that he wouldn't have to have his finger poked once.  He looked a little confused; yet excited at first.  Then I could see his wheels turning and he looks at me and says "mom, I don't want to do that".  I was dumbfounded.  I asked him why not (with a tone of complete shock in my voice) and he said "I don't mind checking my blood sugar".  I told him that I knew that and was proud of him for that, but wanted to give him this - wanted to give him a night off and I'd just take care of it all for him.  He looked at me again and said so sweetly "mommy, I just don't think that's a good idea".  

I was crushed at first (for complete selfish reasons) - I was crushed that he didn't like my idea; that he didn't think it was the coolest thing ever; that he didn't think I was the best mom ever for coming up with this grand plan that was going to cause me great anxiety (but he didn't know that part).  I of course told him, that it was fine and that it was his decision, but to come up with a fun activity that he wanted to do to celebrate.  I just couldn't stop thinking about our little conversation and was still so shocked.  Then it hit me...he has NO recollection of his life before Diabetes anymore - he had no idea what life was like when he didn't have to poke his finger 15 times a day.  To ME this plan was to let him remember the "good ol' days" for a few hours, to give him a part of his life back that he essentially will never have back...but to HIM it was breaking a big rule; to him it was taking something away from the only life he knows; taking a part of his day away from him so to speak.

I was talking to Josh last night about it all after Zane was in bed and we were both so proud of him - yet so sad at the same time that he was so wise beyond his years at such a young age (as are ALL of these kids of course).  It just baffles me and amazes me all in the same breadth.

Thought you'd like this little story of our brave, smart and wise beyond his years little boy.

I'm amazed by this child every minute of every day.  I know there will be rough roads down the way - there will be moments of distress and frustration and even hate for this disease - but we'll deal with those when we need too.  Right now we are relishing in the fact that he is awesome and that he cares just as much about himself as we do.

Please remember that insulin is not a cure - its a lifeline - we really need a cure!